chef

   1 #!/usr/bin/perl -p
   2 # Swedish Chef filter. Bork Bork Bork!
   3 # Copyright 1999 by Joey Hess under the terms of the GNU GPL.
   4
   5 # Note that the order of the commands in this program is very important!
   6
   7 # Change 'e' at the end of a word to 'e-a', but don't mess with the word
   8 # "the".
   9 s{(\w+)e(\b)}{
  10         if (lc($1) ne 'th') {
  11                 "$1e-a$2"
  12         }
  13         else {
  14                 "$1e$2"
  15         }
  16 }eg;
  17
  18 # Stuff that happens at the end of a word.
  19 s/en(\b)/ee$1/g;
  20 s/th(\b)/t$1/g;
  21
  22 # Stuff that happens if not the first letter of a word.
  23 s/(\w)f/$1ff/g;
  24
  25 # Change 'o' to 'u' and at the same time, change 'u' to 'oo'. But only
  26 # if it's not the first letter of the word.
  27 tr/ou/uo/;
  28 s{(\b)([uo])}{
  29         $1 . $2 eq 'o' ? 'u' : 'o'
  30 }eg;
  31 # Note that this also handles doubling "oo" at the beginning of words.
  32 s/o/oo/g;
  33 # Have to double "Oo" seperatly.
  34 s/(\b)O(\w)/$1Oo$2/g;
  35 # Fix the word "bork", which will have been mangled to "burk"
  36 # by above commands. Note that any occurrence of "burk" in the input
  37 # gets changed to "boork", so it's completly safe to do this:
  38 s/\b([Bb])urk\b/$1ork/g;
  39
  40 # Stuff to do to letters that are the first letter of any word.
  41 s/\be/i/g;
  42 s/\bE/I/g;
  43
  44 # Stuff that always happens.
  45 s/tiun/shun/g; # this actually has the effect of changing "tion" to "shun".
  46 s/the/zee/g;
  47 s/The/Zee/g;
  48 tr/vVwW/fFvV/;
  49
  50 # Stuff to do to letters that are not the last letter of a word.
  51 s/a(?!\b)/e/g;
  52 s/A(?!\b)/E/g;
  53
  54 s/en/un/g; # this actually has the effect of changing "an" to "un".
  55 s/En/Un/g; # this actually has the effect of changing "An" to "Un".
  56 s/eoo/oo/g; # this actually has the effect of changing "au" to "oo".
  57 s/Eoo/Oo/g; # this actually has the effect of changing "Au" to "Oo".
  58
  59 # Change "ow" to "oo".
  60 s/uv/oo/g;
  61
  62 # Change 'i' to 'ee', but not at the beginning of a word,
  63 # and only affect the first 'i' in each word.
  64 s/(\b\w[a-hj-zA-HJ-Z]*)i/$1ee/g;
  65
  66 # Special punctuation of the end of sentances but only at end of lines.
  67 s/([.?!])$/$1\nBork Bork Bork!/g;