jive.l

   1 %{
   2 /*
   3  *      Lex filter to transform plain English into Jive English.
   4  *      No racial or societal slurs are intended.  For amusement only.
   5  *
   6  *      Copyright 1986 by Daniel Klein and Clement Cole.
   7  *
   8  *      Reproduction permitted so long as this notice is retained.
   9  */
  10 %}
  11 %e 1700
  12 %p 4000
  13 %n 700
  14 %k 450
  15 %a 1700
  16 %o 1500
  17 BW [ \t\(]
  18 EW [ \t.,;!\?$\)]
  19 %%
  20 @[Bb]egin(.*)           |
  21 ".so ".*$                       printf("%s", yytext);
  22 {BW}send                        printf("%ct'row",yytext[0]);
  23 program+                        printf("honky code");
  24 [Uu]nix                         printf("slow mo-fo");
  25 UNIX                            printf("dat slow mo-fo");
  26 actual                          printf("ak'shul");
  27 {BW}take                        printf("%csnatch",yytext[0]);
  28 {BW}took                |
  29 {BW}take[ns]                    printf("%csnatch'd",yytext[0]);
  30 [Mm]exican                      printf("%cet-back", caseify('w'));
  31 [Ii]talian                      printf("%creaser", caseify('g'));
  32 {BW}big{EW}             {       printf("%cbig ass",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  33 fool                            printf("honkyfool");
  34 modem                           printf("doodad");
  35 {BW}he{EW}              {       printf("%cmah' man he",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  36 "e the"{EW}             |
  37 "a the"{EW}             |
  38 "t the"{EW}             |
  39 "d the"{EW}             {       printf("%c da damn", yytext[0]);plastc();}
  40 wife                    |
  41 woman                           printf("mama");
  42 girl                            printf("goat");
  43 something                       printf("sump'n");
  44 {BW}lie                         printf("%chonky jive",yytext[0]);
  45 -o-                             printf("-on rebound-");
  46 [a-z]"."                {       printf("%s", yytext);expletive();}
  47 !                               printf(".  Right On!");
  48 [Ss]ure                         printf("%cho'", yytext[0]);
  49 get                             printf("git");
  50 "will have"{EW}         |
  51 "will"{EW}              |
  52 "got to"{EW}            {       printf("gots'ta");plastc();}
  53 "I am"                          printf("I's gots'ta be");
  54 "aren't"                |
  55 "am not"                |
  56 "have not"              |
  57 "is not"                |
  58 "are not"                       printf("ain't");
  59 {BW}see{EW}             {       printf("%csee's",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  60 {BW}are{EW}             {       printf("%cis",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  61 {BW}hat{EW}             {       printf("%cfedora",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  62 {BW}shoe                        printf("%ckicker",yytext[0]);
  63 {BW}"have to"{EW}       |
  64 {BW}has{EW}             {       printf("%cgots'ta",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  65 have                            printf("gots'");
  66 {BW}go{EW}              |
  67 {BW}"come over"{EW}     |
  68 {BW}come{EW}            {       printf("%cmosey on down",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  69 buy                             printf("steal");
  70 {BW}car{EW}             {       printf("%cwheels",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  71 drive                           printf("roll");
  72 {BW}food                        printf("%ccatfish an' colluhd greens",yytext[0]);
  73 {BW}eat{EW}             {       printf("%cfeed da bud",yytext[0]);plastc();}
  74 drink                           printf("guzzle");
  75 black                   |
  76 negro                           printf("brother");
  77 white                           printf("honky");
  78 nigger                          printf("gentleman");
  79 nice                            printf("supa' fine");
  80 {BW}person                      printf("%csucka'",yytext[0]);
  81 [Pp]eople                       printf("%cucka's", caseify('s'));
  82 {BW}thing                       thing(yytext[0]);
  83 house{EW}               {       printf("crib");plastc();}
  84 home                            printf("plantation");
  85 name                            printf("dojigger");
  86 {BW}path                        printf("%calley",yytext[0]);
  87 [Cc]omputer                     printf("%clunker", yytext[0]);
  88 or                              printf("o'");
  89 president                       printf("super-dude");
  90 "prime minister"                printf("prahm mistah");
  91 government                      printf("guv'ment");
  92 knew                            printf("knowed");
  93 [Bb]ecause                      printf("'%cuz", caseify('c'));
  94 [Yy]our                         printf("%co'", yytext[0]);
  95 [Ff]our                         printf("%coe", yytext[0]);
  96 got                             printf("gots");
  97 young                           printf("yung");
  98 you                             printf("ya'");
  99 You                             printf("You's");
 100 first                           printf("fust");
 101 police                          printf("honky pigs");
 102 {BW}string                      printf("%cchittlin'",yytext[0]);
 103 {BW}read                        printf("%ceyeball",yytext[0]);
 104 write                           printf("scribble");
 105 think{EW}               {       printf("thin'");plastc();}
 106 with                            printf("wif");
 107 other                           printf("uthu'");
 108 [Tt]hr                          printf("%c'r", yytext[0]);
 109 [Tt]h                           printf("%c", caseify('d'));
 110 ing                             printf("in'");
 111 {BW}a{EW}               {       printf("%csome",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 112 {BW}to{EW}              {       printf("%ct'",yytext[0]);
 113                                 if(yytext[yyleng-1]!=' ')
 114                                         plastc();
 115                         }
 116 tion                            printf("shun");
 117 [Aa]lmost                       printf("%cos'", caseify('m'));
 118 from                            printf("fum");
 119 [Yy]"ou're"                     printf("%couse", yytext[0]);
 120 alright                 |
 121 okay                            printf("coo'");
 122 [Aa]nd                          printf("%cn'", yytext[0]);
 123 known                           printf("knode");
 124 want                            printf("wants'");
 125 beat                            printf("whup'ed");
 126 ile                             printf("ah'l");
 127 er{EW}                  {       printf("uh");plastc();}
 128 [a-z]sti                        printf("%cs'i", yytext[0]);
 129 tute                            printf("toot");
 130 exp                             printf("'sp");
 131 exs                     |
 132 exc                             printf("'s");
 133 {BW}ex                          printf("%c'es",yytext[0]);
 134 [ae]ct{EW}              {       printf("%cc'", yytext[0]); plastc(); }
 135 like                            printf("likes");
 136 done                    |
 137 did                             printf("dun did");
 138 "kind of"                       printf("kind'a");
 139 women                           printf("honky chicks");
 140 {BW}man{EW}             {       printf("%cdude",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 141 {BW}men{EW}             |
 142 {BW}mens{EW}            {       printf("%cdudes",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 143 injured                         printf("hosed");
 144 killed                  |
 145 dead                            printf("wasted");
 146 good                            printf("baaaad");
 147 open{EW}                {       printf("jimmey");plastc();}
 148 opened{EW}              {       printf("jimmey'd");plastc();}
 149 {BW}very                        printf("%creal",yytext[0]);
 150 per                             printf("puh'");
 151 oar                             printf("o'");
 152 {BW}can                         printf("%ckin",yytext[0]);
 153 {BW}just{EW}            {       printf("%cplum",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 154 [Dd]etroit                      printf("Mo-town");
 155 [Ww]"estern "[Ee]"lectric"      printf("da' cave");
 156 {BW}believe                     printf("%crecon'",yytext[0]);
 157 [Ii]"ndianapolis"               printf("Nap-town");
 158 Daniel                  |
 159 Dan                             printf("Liva' Lips");
 160 Reagan                          printf("Kingfish");
 161 Ronald{EW}              |
 162 Ron{EW}                 {       printf("Rolo");plastc();}
 163 John                            printf("Rastus");
 164 Jim                             printf("Bo-Jangles");
 165 pontiff                 |
 166 pope                            printf("wiz'");
 167 [Pp]ravda                       printf("dat commie rag");
 168 broken                          printf("bugger'd");
 169 strange{EW}             {       printf("funky");plastc();}
 170 dance{EW}               {       printf("boogy");plastc();}
 171 ask                             printf("ax'");
 172 {BW}so{EW}              {       printf("%cso's",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 173 heard                           printf("'hoid");
 174 head                            printf("'haid");
 175 boss                            printf("main man");
 176 money                           printf("bre'd");
 177 [a-z]":"                {       *(yytext+1) = ',';
 178                                 printf("%s dig dis:",yytext);
 179                         }
 180 amateur                         printf("begina'");
 181 radio                           printf("transista'");
 182 {BW}of{EW}              {       printf("%cuh",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 183 which                   |
 184 what                            printf("whut");
 185 "don't"                         printf("doan'");
 186 does                            printf("duz");
 187 {BW}was{EW}             |
 188 {BW}were{EW}            {       printf("%cwuz",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 189 {BW}understand                  printf("%cdig",yytext[0]);
 190 {BW}my                          printf("%cmah'",yytext[0]);
 191 again                   |
 192 against                         printf("agin'");
 193 {BW}[Ii]{EW}            {       printf("%cah'",yytext[0]);plastc();}
 194 meta                            printf("meta-fuckin'");
 195 cally                           printf("c'l");
 196 %%
 197 plastc()
 198 {
 199         unput(yytext[yyleng-1]);
 200 }
 201
 202 caseify(c)
 203 char c;
 204 {
 205         if (yytext[0] <= 'Z')
 206                 return (c - ' ');
 207         else
 208                 return (c);
 209 }
 210
 211 thing(c)
 212 char c;
 213 {
 214         static short    count = 0;
 215
 216         putchar(c);
 217         switch (count++ % 4) {
 218                 case 0: case 2:
 219                         printf("thang");
 220                         break;
 221                 case 1:
 222                         printf("doohickey");
 223                         break;
 224                 case 3:
 225                         printf("wahtahmellun");
 226                         break;
 227                 }
 228 }
 229 expletive()
 230 {
 231         static short    count = 0;
 232         static short    which = 0;
 233
 234         if (count++ % 4 == 0) {
 235                 switch (which++ % 5) {
 236                         case 0: printf("  What it is, Mama!"); break;
 237                         case 1: printf("  Ya' know?"); break;
 238                         case 2: printf("  Sheeeiit."); break;
 239                         case 3: printf("  Ya' dig?"); break;
 240                         case 4: printf("  Git down!"); break;
 241                         }
 242                 }
 243 }
 244
 245 /*
 246  * Bugs:
 247  *
 248  * If a sentence starts with a keyword it doan' get converted, or:
 249  * it do, but gets a leading space
 250  */